Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Frivolous Piece on Equated Monthly Installments (EMI) and Extra Marital Affairs (EMA)

Everyone is familiar with EMI, which means Equated Monthly Installments. In the world of ‘never never nests’, EMI is a reality to live with.

But what about EMA, which means Extra Marital Affairs? It is almost like Equated Monthly Affairs. You divide your attention/affection/lust in equally distributable units and share with the interested parties.

Newspapers are filled with news of both EMIs and EMAs and it is said that both these lead to suicide, murder and daily doze of inexplicable humiliation (Genuflecting is a common syndrome seen amongst the EMA affected people).

But generally speaking, most of the human beings are survivors of these two calamities. Learned people say, if you take a loan, somehow it will be repaid through EMIs. “You just don’t come to know about it”.

Same is the case of EMAs. If get into it, it will be done somehow. “You just don’t come to know about it”.

That’s what perhaps you would like to believe. But often, after a period of time your partner comes to know about it and the scenario changes.

This is where fundamentally EMIs and EMAs differ in quality. EMIs can run its tenure but once come to light, EMAs cannot run its whole term. If leads to divorce, you will have to pay the whole amount in one go, the process is euphemistically called ‘paying the alimony’.

Even if it alimony, it is money, man.

Social psychologists say that if your partner spend too much of time in FB, Orkut and other social networking sites, make it sure that he/she has taken a ‘loan’ from somewhere and has agreed to repay it in EMAs (Equated Monthly Affairs) or even EDA (Equated Daily Attention) and EMMA (Equated Moment by Moment Attention).

There is also another difference between EMIs and EMAs. You can pretend that you are not repaying a loan through EMIs and you are not a debtor. But in the case of EMAs, you cannot pretend that you are repaying a loan and you start believing that you are a ‘debtor’ not to your new love interest but to your ‘permanent’ partner.

So what do you do? As in the movies, you start buying too many things for your partner and fantasize that you are doing it for your EMAs. Virtually your partner becomes a testing ground for your fantasies.

But you are a human being. Even after you clear the experimental and explosive stuff from your home ground, some of the landmines are forgotten and remain there hiding. One day you step on it and it explodes if not at your legs, at your face for sure.

These land mines are undeleted chats, sleep walking with audio track, taking too much interest in certain film songs, paying too much attention to your looks.

In the case of women, often the last syndrome is not detected too soon because it goes without saying that women are interested in their ‘looks’. But man, who is obviously not in love, but engaged in EMAs, suddenly becomes aware of his ‘looks’ and he starts saying that his new position in the office demands such changes in looks.

It is also observed that the potential EMA aspirants change their profile pictures in the social networking sites quite regularly.

However, EMI debtors will never write about their EMI status and post it in their blogs. But if someone is doing that you can be sure that he/she is a survivor of an EMA tremor or he/she is on a sabbatical from his regular EMA regime or simply hibernating.


layered said...

had a good morning laugh...thank you for the symptom check list :P

Sathyu said...

Brilliant piece!

U'r observations are very useful & educative. Thanks a lot for such a wise counsel.

I also mean it!