Annihilate your thoughts for thoughts are those things that
give you the idea of ‘I’. People mistake thoughts for their ‘I-ness’. In the
west Descrates said, ‘I think therefore I am’. Sages in India say thoughts are
misplaced ‘I-ness’ for ‘I’ does not exist in thoughts. Who am I? Ramana
Maharshi explained to his devotees. Is ‘I’ the thoughts? Or the five indriyas,
sensory elements, that experience the thoughts? Individual ‘I’ is an illusion.
It is like the sun seen reflected in a splintered glass. The sun that is
reflected on the splinter is not the sun. Some sages, who believe in certain meditative
techniques, say that one could remove thoughts from mind by practicing certain
methods of meditation. They ask the followers to stop thoughts by ‘force’.
Ramana Maharshi does not ask the devotees to do any violence on oneself, even
on one’s own thoughts. He asks them to sit quietly and see the thoughts that
come up like waves in a sea. If one keeps watching the thoughts, at some point
they stop to exist. However, that moment could be a fleeting one. To do this
one needs patience and humility. If you have the ability to sit still and
silent for a long time, then you would reach a point where thoughts no longer
exist. It is like peeling an onion. Keep peeling the thoughts, finally you will
find that there is nothing; no I. For those people who do not have an innate disposition
to be calm and quiet, sages advice certain practices. Focusing on the image or
idea of Ishta Devata (a god or guru of one’s liking) is one of those practices.
In today’s world, so many crash courses on self realization offer instant
deliverance from the self or of the self rather through physical exercises like
Yoga. Life style changes and surging desire of human beings to consume more and
to be distinct has taken the practicing of yoga to unimaginable areas that
include aerobic yoga. Yoga is a self disciplining technique and is one of the
ways to sit still and focus. Many people foolishly believe that mere doing yoga
makes them living ‘saints’. One day a yoga expert approached Sree Narayana Guru
and boasted about his expertise in it and also tried to explain the positive
sides of yoga. Narayana Guru smiled and did not give that much importance to
it. Crestfallen, the yoga guru finally said, “Guru, at least this is good for
good bowel movements.” Narayana Guru had famously retorted, “For that one just
need to take a tea spoon full of castor oil, right?” Ramakrishan Paramahansa
also has said something identical. Someone came to him and claimed that he had
practiced swimming for a long time and now he could cross Ganga within minutes.
Paramahansa smiled and said, “For that you just need to pay an anna to the
boatman.”
Sleep is the only occasion when thoughts cease to exist. If
one is in deep sleep, one does not come to know about his own existence. He or
she may be a banker or a poet, a minister or a scavenger, billionaire or a
pauper, when in sleep, he/she does not identify with these selves. That’s why
they say that sleep is as good as death. The only difference is that from death
there is no return; one becomes a part of the universe. But from sleep one
comes back to life. The moment we are back in life, we start asking questions
to ourselves. These questions come in the form of thoughts. We not only ask
questions but also form ideas, make decisions and as we go along we think a
number of things which in fact do not have anything to do with our lives. The more
we think, the more this false idea of ‘I’ comes to be strong. The fact is that
we do not come to know how strong our ‘I’ feeling is unless and until we are
confronted with an adversary situation. People kill each other for parking
spaces, good neighbors turn worst enemies for the barking or pooping of a pet
dog, people fist fight on the road for one driver not letting other overtake.
Each time they fight or kill, they think that they are doing it because they
have something called ‘I’ to protect from attack. They never ask this question
whether the parking space or a chance to overtake or dog’s poop defines their ‘I’
ness. If a dog’s barking could make someone to take out a pistol from his
chest, then his ‘I’ ness is as little as a dog or as he imagines, it is as big
as his ideas about his or his neighbor’s dog. The man who fights for his ‘I’ness
could be a rich business man or a college student or even a poet. They all
attach their ‘I’ ness to the pettiest things in the world. But in sleep such ‘I’s
do not exist. In meditation too, one loses this ‘I’ness and gets into a state
which is similar to sleep. But the fundamental difference between sleep and meditative
realization of the self or the annihilation of ‘I’ ness is that in sleep you do
not know that you exist but I meditative realization one ‘knows’ that he/she
exists; not as I but as the I, which is the universe itself.
I have read it all. But reading is one thing, realization is
another. Not as a scholar but as an enthusiast, I had read a whole lot of
spiritual literature during my formative years. The problem is that formative
years those years in anybody’s life when one starts thinking too much about ‘I’.
Our education system promotes this formation of ‘I’. To become a ‘successful’
individual is the goal of our education. You become a doctor not to serve the society
but to earn money. You become an engineer not to make bridges and buildings,
but to make money and successful. Girls get educated not to become independent
and sublime human beings but either to get a good job or to satisfy certain
social demands including marriage. Hence, anything that advices people to leave
their pursuit of worldly success is considered to be an abominable idea. But
when once people becomes successful in the theatre of the world, they start
thinking about their own selves. That’s why most of the people start doing yoga
or similar things. There are also they consolidate their ‘I’ ness and feel that
they achieved ‘success’ in that front too. There are people who are born with a
philosophical bend and they do not attach much value to the worldly life. They
become sages in one or the other way. Some people in due course of life realize
the unworthiness of worldly life and its cementing aspect called the ‘I’ ness,
and leave everything aside and start the enquiry, who am I? But nobody
recognizes the fact that in sleep, every day or night they attain what they are
seeking. Once they realize that there could be a sleep that is absolute
wakefulness then they could continue in that relaxing mode. Nothing will affect
them. Most of the people reading this by now has formed this idea that this
sounds all good in reading but not in practice. I would say, everyone is not a
poet, everyone is not a painter, everyone is not a dancer, everyone is not a
scientist and everyone is not everything. People realize their life’s mission
as they go along with their lives. The moment they recognize the fact that
their life and their mission are not two different things, then they become
awakened people. In sleep too they remain awake. In that sense, everyone has a
mission in life but they think that the mission and life are two different
things. They sleep like dead people and wake up only to think the unnecessary
thoughts.
What does a man who could remain awake even when he is in
sleep do in his normal life? Such a man becomes the universe itself. He does
not become a part of the universe. He realizes that he in himself is the
universe. When he knows that he is the universe, that he is not a small ‘I’ but
a big ‘I’ then this idea of the other cease to exist. Para and apara, the
eternal and that is not eternal, the divine and the mundane become one and the
same. For a man who has realized that he is the universal ‘I’, stops to have
any bheda bhava, the idea of difference. He is not afraid of leopards or snakes
because for him he is not different from a snake. When you are not different
from a snake you are need not be afraid of it. In our daily lives, in our
worldly lives, human beings are not afraid of snakes or other wild animals.
Why, because they have annihilated all the snakes, wild animals and pests from
their living environs. After finishing off all the natural beings, human beings
live in glass houses, completely protected. But they are still afraid of
certain beings. The name of that being is the ‘other’ human being. We are no
longer afraid of snakes because they are not there anymore. But we are afraid
of human beings because they are in abundance everywhere. Human beings live in
a world of mutual fear and suspicion. Hence, they do not believe in their own
servants, drivers, security men and anybody who looks different, dress
different or speak different. Human beings make laws for themselves so that
they could differentiate people further. Your life is on the hands of your
driver as he drives you through a hillside in the middle of the night. But
still you are afraid of him. When you get out to pee, you take your bag of cash
along with you because you do not trust your driver. You do not keep the
jewelry outside because you are afraid that your maid servant will take it
away. The irony is that human beings do not even believe their Yoga teachers or
gurus. And they always say that the world has changed and these days we cannot
believe anybody or anything. They do not understand that this is the same
opinion others have about them in turn too.
A man or woman who has realized that he is in an eternal
sleep, yet in complete wakefulness does not fear the other. He does not have anything
to lose. He is rich yet he cannot be robbed. He is rich because his wealth is
his realization itself. A robber can take away books but he cannot take away
knowledge. The saints are said to be naked people. They are the people who burn
their abodes and go out in the open completely naked. We call them mad because they
do not conform to our ideas about life which is based on competition, suspicion
and success. These people who have burnt down their palaces and gone out in the
open naked do not have anything to lose. Whatever kept them bound are now gone.
They are free people. They have gone into their sleep which gives them peace
and solace, at the same time there they are completely awaken. They are not
afraid of people. Their burning of the abodes and walking in nude are
metaphorical expressions. That is the only way they could tell people that nothing
is needed; neither abodes nor clothes. One who wears sky as clothes and
subsists on nature cannot be defeated or robbed. He cannot be contested or held
captive. He is a man who has lost his ‘I-ness’ and has become the ‘I’ itself. How
can one fight sun with a mirror? In the world of false gods and rich sadhus and
gurus, such naked people are a rarity. But they are there and they are not seen
in the guise of Sadhus or Sannyasis. There are people, absolute grihastis, who
live in marriage and worldly life, completely immersed in practical life still
without fear. They handle their worldly issues with equanimity. They are naked
from inside. Neighbor’s dog does not challenge him. A big car overtaking his
small car does not hurt him. He may not overtly help others. But he does not go
out to destroy others because for him there is no other. Annihilating the other
for him is annihilating himself, destroying his sleep as well as his
wakefulness.
Suddenly I wake up from sleep and I look at my watch. It is
four in the evening. Shibu Natesan sleeps tight next to me. I look at his face.
No lines of disturbance are seen on his face. My getting up has caused a gentle
rocking of the swing cot. It moves. Was I dreaming? Before sleeping, Shibu had
told me that we would go to the Ramana Ashram for evening prayer. You will find
peace, he had assured. I sit there a bit dazed. I feel a sort of blankness.
Then the thoughts start coming one by one; what am I doing here? Where are my
children now? What could be my future? Will something happen to me if I go and
sit at the prayer hall at the Ramana Ashram? If something happens? Whatever I
understood while sleeping was a dream or wakefulness? Is my head aching? Should
I take a Dispirin? What about my aching legs? The footwear is so heavy. Shouldn’t
I buy a light pair of walking shoes? With a smile I realize that I have come
back to the world of little ‘I-ness’. But give it a chance. Give the would be
experience also a chance. I turn once again to Shibu. Da Dey, I call him, a
code word between us. He opens his eyes and smiles. It’s time, I tell him. No,
it’s not the right time, he says and goes back to sleep. The cot swings again.
I stand up and see myself marooned in my loneliness and anticipation.
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